Jay Kimble

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<br>(If you're still reading I will assume that you are either a friend or someone interested in Christianity... If you're not then you may want to move on).

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<br>First of all in case you haven't guessed.  I'm a Christian, and I want to blog about a cool spiritual experience I had this evening (Sat. Night).  My church does what is called New Day Cafe (A church service).  The unique thing about New Day is that it doesn't “feel” like church.  We have more of a coffee shop atmosphere (including coffee, smoothies, and cinnamon buns).  It is a very cool experience (if you live in the Clearwater-St. Pete area of Florida... come check it out)

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<br>So this evening... I guess I should mention that I have been really processing the Passion of Christ... I went to see it a couple of weeks ago and the experience was really intense.  I guess maybe I've been re-assessing my spiritual walk... trying to go a little deeper.  

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<br>So tonight was our “Easter” service.  I happened to be singing in the worship band this evening.  I was doing a new song for us, and had really begun to put some stuff together.  The name of the song is called “The Thief” (by Thiird Day).  I guess as I have been practicing this week, I got the feeling that I have a lot in common with the thief on the cross next to Christ.  Now (just so you know) I'm not a convicted felon in any way shape or form...  In fact I'm pretty clean cut (and have been like that for most of my life).  What was getting me was that like the thief on the cross, I can be a pretty conniving dude... I'm not clean....

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<br>Anyway, the first couple songs of the service were kind of “dead” feeling to me.  This happens to me a lot when I'm singing... I concentrate too much on the technicals and not enough on “being in the moment.”  We got to the middle of the third song (which I'm kind of leading), “For The Cross” (Matt Redman), and something clicks and I begin to realize the unfairness of Easter.  

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<br>What I mean is that it's not fair that I get away scott free.... Jesus dies on the cross... FOR ME!  I'm the criminal here (at least according to 10 commandments).  On top of everything else, an article I read recently was responding (to Christians) about some people's objections to Mel Gibson's movie; the author of that article lays it out that all of us (all of mankind) killed Jesus; actually we murdered him.  So in the midst of “For the Cross” this clicks in my head... I murdered Christ... I did it!  I'm guilty.  By this point I just want to get off stage... do something else... cry in a corner... I don't want to be up front.

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<br>So Jeff gets up to speak (that's our much loved Pastor), and he shares exactly what I've been feeling.  I sing the song; and I'm feeling the complete weight.  I really can relate to the thief.... I've blown it so badly in life!

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<br>So Jeff wants us all to experience Easter.  So he places himself in the position of washing feet (not literally... in case you don't know Jesus did this for his 12 closest friends the night before he died).  After the “feet washing”, we were to take a nail and nail it to one the crosses they had set up.  

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<br>Ouch... now I just want to leave.  And as I'm standing in line (with the rest of the band members), I can't believe how lightly some were taking it (I guess I was feeling a little emotional)... Inside I wanted to scream “We killed him!!  He died because of us...” it was all I could do to hold it together.

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<br>Now I find myself at the front of the line, and I have a hammer in my hands... I'm nailing right where his face would have been.... appropriate!  I get to deliver the definite death blow... Yeah this is what I want to be thinking about.  

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<br>Now I'm back on stage on my stool... crying... crying... crying... I did it! I'm guilty!  How am I going to get through the next set... and more importantly celebrate... I'm mourning...

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<br>I guess it finally dawned on me that the way I felt was exactly what the 10 apostles (John was at the Cross, and Judas was dead) felt when they abandoned him that day.  But He rose from the dead (you might not be a Christian and believe this, but if you research it there is some decent historical evidence that he did rise).  I could finally rejoice.  One of the songs we did in this last set was “I'm not ashamed“ (Delirious), so this is really why I'm blogging this.

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<br>Then I had to go through all of this a second time... I'm changed... hopefully for awhile; hopefully for longer than this evening at least.  It will be awhile before I take any of this for granted again.

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God bless you for your post, Jay.  I am guilty, too.  Each and every one of us is so undeserving of God's mercy and grace, and the price that Christ paid, so that we can have life.  I don't want to take for granted what Christ has done, either.  

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<br>Have a great Easter, brother.

Hey Jay,

<br>Wonderful post.   My wife and I just moved to Casselberry and are looking for a church.   How far is your chuch from Casselberry?

Hey Jay - Cool post.  I'm glad that the Holy Spirit was at work in you &amp; on you!!

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<br>Henry, NewDay Cafe is the SatPM service of Pathways Community Church, Largo, FL.  10190 Starkey Road.  check out the web page - there's a map www.newdaycafe.com &amp; www.pathwayscc.net

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<br>I hope they will be helpful!

<br>Resurrection Blessings to you!