The desire of the parent to make the child an excellent student is understandable and natural. But in the desire to see only five in the diary, it is necessary to maintain balance. Otherwise, excellent student syndrome may develop, which brings a lot of trouble.
Excellent student’s syndrome is,
- the desire to always be the first, always, to receive only the highest mark;
- incorrect prioritization: it is not knowledge, skill that matters, but their positive assessment;
- strong emotional reactions to a result that does not meet expectations.
Motivation to study is replaced by motivation to achieve success at all costs. In adulthood, this is fraught with nervous breakdowns and depression. So how do you still maintain balance and not go to extremes? How to help a child achieve good results, but to avoid the formation of excellent student syndrome? The following steps and recommendations will help you.
Adequate self-esteem – the ability to soberly evaluate yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. A child who, from childhood, is accustomed to hearing a truthful description of his abilities, forms the correct idea of what he is capable of and what needs to be pulled up to achieve the desired result. Read more about the formation of an adequate self-esteem in this article.
What are bad and good grades? These are just numbers showing preparation for a specific subject at a particular time. After receiving each mark, it is important to disassemble it, to reveal the meaning. For example, a student received a three in math or assignment. The primary task of parents is not to scold the child for this, but to understand together with him why such an assessment was received.
Perhaps he devoted little time to preparation, did not learn the material, did not understand the topic, was distracted in the lesson. After the cause is identified, it becomes clear that you need to tighten and what to look for. Therefore, the assessment should not be an indicator of abilities and knowledge in general, but a mechanism for identifying strengths and weaknesses.
How to raise a successful person and avoid negative consequences? It is necessary to explain, as accessible and honest as possible, for which it is necessary to strive for excellent results. The child must understand why it is worth trying, what will bring him now and in the future. It is necessary to motivate for a specific result (for example, successful passing the exam for admission to the university), and not just for getting a “5”.
Discussion of outcomes
How to get rid of emotional upheavals when receiving not what was expected?
It is important to explain to the child that there can be different outcomes in life (received 4, scored 15 points less, came to the finish line second, etc.), but this is absolutely natural. It is also worth discussing different scenarios with the children. For example, if in half a year it was not possible to get “5” in all subjects, you need to take into account past mistakes, close the gaps and correct the situation in the next half year.
Simply put, there must be some plan “B” in case something goes wrong. If the child feels anger, rage, resentment, then the tips from this article will help you in communicating, where we told in detail how to communicate with a negative-minded child.
Avoiding the classic grading system
It is important to remove evaluating words (“bad”, “good”, “excellent”). Try to make any praise objective: “you did well, because you were able to tighten your knowledge and correct the fours,” “I see that you tried in this half-year, you have already managed to close many gaps, continue in the same vein” and so on.
The ideal option is to avoid classical assessment not only at home, but also at school. At the moment, only private schools can offer instruction in accordance with such principles. In some schools there is no grading system and the control over knowledge is carried out personally. Thus, the child learns faster and easier, the level of his motivation and faith in himself rises, the pace of mastering information and solving difficulties arises.
In a nutshell, excellent student syndrome is a real problem lurking for those who could not achieve balance. Therefore, we recommend that parents pay attention to the motivation of their children and not give too much importance to the estimates.